Sitting, Waiting, Wishing[Finn/Rachel,pre-Journey]

[Finn Hudson]

At least I have a future in being a ninja.

That was the one thing Finn kept reminding himself as he sat slumped on the bleachers-- he had recently developed the surprising skill of stealth, which even he couldn't believe due to his height. Sneaking was not something that Finn Hudson was good at, and his mom, Kurt, and Burt could all vouch for that after an attempt to quietly make a sandwich at four o'clock in the morning. All he wanted to do since yesterday was avoid people as much as possible. He wasn't even sure anymore if he'd actually gone to any of his classes today, not that it mattered much anymore, school would be over soon and he could put all this behind him. That was what he needed now, to get this year behind him and find a way to move on.

Finn rolled his neck back and forth slowly before looking up onto the football field, sighing and then running his hand through his hair. He was... torn, for lack of a better word. After what had happened yesterday there was a very large part of him that wanted to do nothing more than pull Rachel into his arms and tell her it was going to be okay. Well, he wanted to kick Jesse's ass too, but that was a given after how much trouble he had caused. The trouble he caused, his brow furrowed as he remembered what he had told Rachel what the consequences would be if Jesse screwed up things for them. Finn sighed and nodded to himself and decided that there was probably an exception to every rule, and of course it was no surprise that Rachel Berry seemed to always be his exception.

As horrible as yesterday had been, he could help but crack and smile and fail to stifle his laughter when he imagined Rachel covered in broken eggs. He placed his hands on his knees and shook his head slowly, smiling again for the first time today. It probably wasn't nice to laugh at his ex-girlfriend's expense, but she had looked so small and dejected that he couldn't help but find her laughably cute-- she had been right, she was Tinkerbell, though he was pretty sure that Tinkerbell hadn't been emotionally and politically opposed to the ethical treatment of animals.

[Rachel Berry]

The bell that signaled the end of classes for the day finally rang. Rachel had been waiting for it all day since that morning. Not that she was always like this; in fact she had a good record in all of her classes and she had always been paying attention...but not today. Yesterday was the day it all came crashing down on her. Yesterday, she had found out that he, the guy she had thought was the perfect one for her, had been playing her all along. So not only did her own mother not want her, her dream guy had just been playing with her all along. It was so Vocal Adrenaline of them to crush the rival team's spirit just a few weeks before the competition, and she had been stupid and naive enough to believe that they were so sincere.

As she slowly got up and exited the classroom, Rachel contemplated about going home right away, since there was no Glee practice that day. But the thought of her dads seeing her sorry face the moment she enter their house made her cringe. The last thing she wanted to do that day was to talk more about how Jesse had basically broken her heart and humiliated her in front of his whole teammates, and then her dads sending him and the whole Vocal Adrenaline threats about sending PETA for wasting the lives of those poor would-be chicks. Being left alone in her room did not sound too good, either. She already knew what would happen if she locked herself in her room -- she would be belting out break-up songs all night again while crying her heart out, and they did not want the neighbors complaining again. And she was so tired of crying already, her still puffy eyes were proof that she still had not stopped crying.

Rachel was so consumed in her own misery that she did not notice she had been walking towards the Football field already. Maybe it was instinct, after all she always go to the bleachers whenever she felt the need to be alone and think, or even not think. At that moment, she just wanted to forget about everything, she was so sure this was all a nightmare and that she would wake up soon. Rachel let out a loud sigh as she approached her usual spot by the bleachers, keeping her head down. She suddenly stopped in her tracks though when she saw a familiar pair of shoes. Oh no, she thought as she slowly looked up, already knowing that it was Finn who was sitting there. At that point she had thought about turning back, not wanting to let him see how much of a mess she was about this. She had actually felt relieved when she did not see him in the classes they had together. Although there was the larger part of her that missed his presence, and that part of her was what kept her on that spot. It almost made her laugh how much he still affected her after all this time. Maybe she never really had gotten over him after all, she thought as her heartbeat started picking up.

But it's probably too late now, Rachel thought, as she recalled what he had said before. He told her not to expect any more friendship from him when things turn out badly. And not seeing him in their classes together was probably the sign that he was going to stay true to his words. She could feel her heart slowly breaking again as she let that thought sink in. She had really lost everything.

Rachel quietly sat down on the bleachers, keeping a distance between them. With her head still down, she tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. "Um," she cleared her throat suddenly, noticing that her voice was hoarse, "hey." She looked at Finn slightly, still keeping her head down. As much as she knew it would hurt, she would need to know if he really was not her friend anymore. That way, Rachel thought, she can easily go back to square one...where she had no one...just like in the beginning of that year.

[Finn Hudson]

It wasn't until Rachel had sat down that Finn realized he'd been holding his breath. He let his eyes wander to the side, afraid that she'd come over here to tell him off for some reason, not that he'd done anything but it seemed like any time he'd been alone with Rachel lately, something always wound up going wrong. Finn took another another deep breath, tapping his foot lightly trying to find something more intelligent to say that didn't instantly start with ummm or err.

"Hey..." he mumbled out deciding that at this point it was the best he had left after sitting in the sun on the bleachers for six hours; at least he hadn't said ummm. Finn let his eyes wander back and forth while he tried to think of something else to break the tense silence that had fallen between them, his foot keeping an awkward rhythm as he kept breathing in and softly clearing his throat. Screw it, Finn though to himself after another awkward minute of neither of them saying anything-- letting himself slowly inch closer to her on the bleachers.

When he finally got the courage to look at Rachel his face twitched into a frown, he didn't want to say it to her, but she looked like a wreck. The only other time he had seen her look this bad was when she came to school sick, only this time she wasn't standing in front of him with a bunny-shaped cereal bowl, now she just looked sad. Finn looked off towards the football field for a second, chewing on his lip while he debated what he was going to say next, before turning back to her and finally opening his mouth again.

"I'm really sorry, Rachel," he started, moving even closer when he said that. "and I mean like really sorry," Finn internally kicked himself, hating that he was already having a hard time with words. "I mean, I wanted to go and beat him up for you after that but when I went home that night Burt reminded me that I'll probably be working at Sheets-n-Things until I have kids, so I didn't want to have to pay for more damages for you know, if I broke Jesse's face or something." He shrugged shoulders, thinking that someone like Jesse St. James probably had his face and hair insured or something like that, just in case. "And I mean, Mrs. Schuester already gives me the creeps with how much she stares at me, so I don't know how much more of that I can take." In the middle of speaking Finn realized he'd gone off topic and he didn't want to freak Rachel out more than he probably already was, but he needed to say all this so at least she knew where they stood. "I went out and bought eggs too and I was going to drive all the way to Jesse's house and egg his car, but then I got really hungry and I realized that would probably just make you sad anyways, so I made six omelets instead, but," he turned away from Rachel for a second and started digging in his backpack. "my mom helped me find this, I'm not allowed to Google without supervision after the whole hottub pregnancy thing, but I found out that eggs used to be used for like, conditioner and stuff, not that it'd make you feel any better." Finn held out all the papers to Rachel that he had printed out on anything he could find about eggs and hair.

Finn took once last breath before sliding close enough so he could carefully place his hand on her shoulder. "I...I just wanted you to know that I'm here if you need me." He finished, and then turned back to his backpack. "But I can leave you alone to think if you want, I know I like to be alone when I think so...yeah." Finn petered off, fiddling with the zipper on his bag, hoping that Rachel's brain hadn't exploded from his verbal paintball bunkering.

[Rachel Berry]

The tapping of Finn's foot was causing Rachel to feel somewhat anxious, but more because she could not tell what that tapping means. The last time he did that was when they last made out when they were still together, and even then it confused her too. She could not tell whether it was a good sign or a bad sign. She did not realize that in her anxiousness, she had started to play with the hem of her skirt. She wanted so bad to break the silence, but for the first time in her life she could not find the words to say. It was then that she had realized Finn was really the only guy who could make her speechless, how could she have had tried to ignore that? All the signs pointed to Finn, and yet she had been so stubborn about that fact. At that moment she was not even sure if that tapping meant that she was unwanted there and she was invading his alone time. She sighed again, thinking about just leaving him alone.

Rachel almost got up again when she heard his voice, the voice she had missed hearing so much. She slowly turned her head towards him, not minding anymore how horrible she had looked. This was Finn after all, and he had seen her at her worst times (like being dressed in leotards and looking like a sad clown hooker, according to him), this was probably nothing new to him. As she looked at him, she had noticed that he was not looking at her, and that made her feel anxious again. He's upset with me, I knew it, she thought, slowly looking down again. She knew he had every reason to be upset with her, after all she had turned him down a lot of times even when he had bared his heart and soul to her, all because of that jerk. Rachel had not regretted anything so bad in her life until then. She should have just left Jesse for Finn, the one who deserves her love and affection more, but she had been stupid enough to fall for those charms and sweet-talks. Now she was suffering the consequences of her life choices, and now she had probably lost the one person who meant a lot to her.

She was still looking at him, regret written on her face, when he suddenly moved closer and then looked at her, and she thought her heart stopped beating for a few seconds. I look horrible, Rachel thought, suddenly feeling conscious about her puffy eyes and tear-stained face. As Finn looked off towards the football field, she quickly looked down at her lap again, thinking her awful look had probably turned him off. She was still trying to wipe away remnants of her tears on her face when she heard him speak up again.

"I'm really sorry, Rachel,"

That caught her attention again, and no matter how much she did not want him to see her face, she could not help but look at him again. Sorry? She was about to ask the reason why he, the only one who had been the nicest to her, was apologizing to her, but then he spoke again, and she decided that she would just let him speak first. It was then that Rachel had noticed the smaller distance between them, Finn must have moved closer to her. She could not help but feel a glimmer of hope. Maybe she had not lost him just yet. With a small smile, she returned her attention back to Finn, listening to him explain why he had not beaten Jesse up, it almost made her laugh. But as he mentioned Mrs. Schuester and her creepy stares, she could not resist laughing anymore. It was the first time since yesterday that she had laughed and it felt so much better than crying. She frowned though when he told her about egging Jesse's car because she does not approve of that, only because those poor chicks deserve to live and not die at some Vocal Adrenaline jerk's car. Her eyebrows raised in confusion as Finn handed her some papers he had printed out, and she could not help but smile as she read what was printed on it. She still did not approve of the use of eggs in any way, but the thought of him thinking of how to make her feel better about the situation made her heart soften, and she knew at that moment without a doubt that she was still really in love with him.

Rachel had not realized it until she saw her vision blurring that she was starting to tear up again. She was still looking at the papers and a single tear fell down on it. She was trying not to cry, not again, he did not need to see her crying again but as she felt him put a hand on her shoulder and heard him say the words that she needed to hear, suddenly it was impossible to hold it in. She took his hand, the one on his shoulder to prevent him from going anywhere. Rachel could not pretend anymore, she needed Finn. "Don't go...please?" She begged with her tearful eyes, trying to wipe away tears from her cheek with her free hand. Smiling, she looked at the papers again and then back at Finn. "Thank you," she said sincerely with a smile, squeezing his big hand in affirmation. "But I'm a vegan," she added, giggling slightly as she nudged him softly, already feeling much better than earlier.

[Finn Hudson]

Initially when he saw her crying, Finn was bordering freaking out and apologizing again, but when he heard her laugh and smile for the first time in what seemed like forever, he let out a sigh of relief. Finn relaxed even further when he felt Rachel grabbing his hand, trying to fight smiling too much. "I'm not gonna go anywhere then." He reassured Rachel as he readjusted his position next to her, his shoulder brushing against hers lightly.

He couldn't help but laugh when he felt Rachel nudge him as he reached out and took the papers from her, stuffing them back into his backpack. "Oh, I knew that, I just didn't want you to feel bad that the eggs had been wasted." he shrugged again, knowing that if he knew Rachel like he thought he did, even if she didn't agree, she was still a stickler for practicality. "Also," he started laughing thinking about the night before in front of the computer, grinning sheepishly. "I didn't know how to spell vegan, but I learned from my mistakes now-- V-E-G-A-N, not V-I." Finn shook his head slowly, looking down at his shoes. "I was really confused, because I know for a fact you're not Asian, you're Jewish." He confirmed with a nod to himself. "Oh, also I think I might have accidentally booked a vacation to the Philippines, so if my mom asks, I blame you." Finn added with a feigned dramatic sigh, nudging Rachel back softly.

Finn breathed out again slowly, his expression turning serious and he faced Rachel again. "How are you holding up though?" the lines in his forehead creasing as he watched her. If it had been anyone else but Rachel he would have been spouting off "told you so" and other things like that, but even he couldn't have predicted how much of a jerk Jesse had turned out to be. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," He added quickly, offering her a small smile. "I'm, well, I'm just here if you ever, you know, need to say anything." He looked off awkwardly, clearing his throat, but he still kept his hand tight around hers. Suddenly Finn's face lit up when he thought of something that might help Rachel "If it would make you feel better," Finn added nonchalantly. "I always have a paintball gun, and Puck's a pretty good get-away driver, so I mean, just saying..." trying to bite back the devious look on his face, thinking that that was definitely a one-up on egging any day.

[Rachel Berry]

"I'm not gonna go anywhere then."

Rachel gave Finn the biggest of smiles she could muster in her happiness at hearing those words. She had really thought that they were over just like almost everything else in her life. "So does that mean that you're still my friend? And that you didn't mean what you have said before?" She asked him with hope in her eyes. It would mean a lot to her to have a true friend at a time like this, not to mention a handsome one like Finn who can distract her enough, it makes moving on so much easier for her. As she felt his shoulder brush against hers, Rachel smiled and leaned her head on it, finding it so comfortable to be in that position. It felt just right. Her hand also suddenly seemed like it had a mind of its own when without thinking, her fingers intertwined gently with his. And she stayed that way while they continued talking.

"Oh, I knew that, I just didn't want you to feel bad that the eggs had been wasted."

Finn knew her so well it made Rachel's heart swell so much, it felt like it would burst anytime soon if he did not stop being so adorable and sweet to her. "That does make me feel better," she giggled and nodded at him, still leaning on his shoulder. When he started laughing though, and mentioning misspelling vegan, Rachel could not help laughing as well, shaking her head at Finn's adorable and forgivable mistake. "Well then if you're going over there, can I go with you? I'm kind of curious about that place after all," she laughed along with him, playfully nudging him again. "But seriously, thank you. You didn't even have to do all of this, but you still did. I'm really grateful, Finn. It meant a lot to me," she then looked up at his face, and almost instantly had to fight the urge to kiss him right then. Instead she just smiled, and held his hand tightly in hers.

When asked about how she was doing though, Rachel shook her head and looked down. "I...I don't really know," she admitted, looking up at Finn with a bitter smile on her face. "I think the conclusion to all of this is just that I am just really that gullible." She could not help feeling embarrassed, since she had always had that image wherein she always knew what she was doing and that she would not be easily fooled. But here she was, a total wreck. "I think nothing has changed. No one still really wants me after all," she said in a small voice, it was almost like a whisper. This time she could not look at Finn anymore, she was definitely ashamed of her mistakes especially since one of them was pushing him away. At the thought of getting back at Jesse though, Rachel could not help but feel revengeful. After all, that guy did nothing but stole her heart and crushed it, it was clear to her now that he did not care for her at all...he only cared about her mother, his coach. "Paintball, huh?" Her melancholic expression suddenly turning into a mischievous one. "That's an ingenious plan, Finn! All I would need is just one shot on his smug face, and then I can feel so much better," Rachel said, grinning deviously.